Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Happily Ever After

It's Tuesday morning which means we've survived Monday evening aka Bachelor viewing night. As promised, my Guest Blogger (Maddy Rose) will be logging her expert thoughts on "the most controversial season ever".

But, first things first. Sangria. This is an essential component to surviving the Bachelor Finale.

Red Sangria
one lemon, one lime, one orange, one apple (cut into small chunks)
small bottle of rum (about 1 1/3 cups)
orange juice (1 1/3 cups)
sparkling water (1 cup)
sugar (about 1 1/4 cups)
bottle and a half of red wine (I used Pinot Noir)
Have fruit, rum, wine, and orange juice well chilled.  Slice lemon, lime, and orange into thin rounds and place in a large glass pitcher.  Add rum and sugar.  Chill in refrigerator for 2 hours to develop the flavors.  To serve, crush fruit lightly with a wooden spoon (add apple) and stir in wine, orange juice, and sparkling water. 
Adjust sweetness to taste.

OK, sangria in hand? Let's go...

THE FINALE

First off, I love the recaps.  There’s no better way to fill two hours than with a relentless look-back at everything we already know.  Thanks, ABC.

ABC spared no expense.  So realistic for every regular relationship.  This one is SO gonna work!

How many shirts is Brad wearing?

Wow, Brad is so sensitive.  Such a catch.  I often find I must walk away from my family to cry.  It’s so beautiful.

Yup, that was snot coming out of his nose.  ABC missed that edit.

Okay, okay, we get it, you’re emotional and sensitive.  Now stop it.

Is he ADD?

Chad is cute.  Is he single?  I’ll take him.  And as Koz pointed out, he doesn’t seem like the village idiot (edited for sensitivity).

I often find you can know EVERYTHING about someone after four weeks.  So believable.  I love it.

UPDATE: Chad is not single.  Damn.

What are the odds Brad is a contestant on the next Dancing WIth The Stars?

What is Chantal wearing?

What is Brad’s family possibly thinking as they meet women for the second time on this crazy show?

I think Wes is interested in marrying Chantal.

I think I love Chad.  SO much cuter.  As Lucy just said, “I’m getting tinglies”.  Whatever those are.

Wes is the runt of the the litter.

What the hell is “normal” about anything that has happened so far between Chantal and Brad?  Anyone.... anyone?

Where does Chantal’s southern accent come from.  Memo to Chantal: you’re from SEATTLE.

Holy commercials!  Man.

Brad just skipped.  Yes, he loves Emily.

Oh no!  Not a “Ricky’s father” reference.  Awkward.

Maybe Wes wants to marry Emily now.  I think we know who the first person will be to call the woman who isn’t picked.

Brad loves Emily.  How is there any doubt?!

Now Brad is an Angel.  Wow.  ABC is a magician.

“I am one happy dude”.  That’s just deep.

Brad, they are WOMEN.  Enough with the “girls” talk.

Gazing over a railing is the perfect way to contemplate life’s biggest questions.

Chantal loves short shorts.  Not sure if they love her.

I want a baby sea lion!!  It could live in my bathtub.

Why do they plan dates that make the women cry and have anxiety attacks?  Come on, ABC.

Chantal and the wet suit.  Is she unable to zip it over the massive breasts?

Chantal is swimming with sharks.  Does anyone know how this makes her wife material?   Apparently Brad does.

“Every time you nail it”... quite literally.  At least in a tree house.

Of course you have never traveled the world for a guy, Chantal.  ABC has never been footing the bill until now.

“I made myself cry!”  Well at least someone did, Chantal.

Oh my, Emily forgot her pants.

So Chantal had to swim with sharks, and Emily gets a picnic on a beautiful bluff. Foreshadowing...

Brad is slightly freaked out by the kid talk, no?

As Koz points out, watching these shows will certainly teach you how NOT to behave with men.

Why do I feel Brad is about to blow this with Emily?

Okay, maybe not.  As Lucy points out, the kid might need to be renamed “Little Brad”.

Go, Em!  Good questions.  Sorry ABC, it’s not all champagne and helicopter rides.  Go figure.

“I’m not mad, I’m getting there.”  Are you serious, Brad?!  Emily is doing her due diligence as a mom.

This date is going to hell.  Spoiler alert... Brad might not be the perfect daddy.

Brad is melting down before our eyes.  

Brad is very, very needy.

“I am completely defeated”.  What?!  Brad might still have some growing up to do.  Maybe a third try as the Bachelor would be the charm.  Would that then be the Most Controversial Bachelor Ever?

This show totally kills someone’s spirit.

Perhaps Brad can just take the show and do a spinoff of TLC’s Sister Wives?

Thank goodness Neil Lane travels this far!  How else could Brad possibly propose to one of the two women he is in love with without a 90,000 dollar ring?!

Why is he thanking Neil for the ring?  Um, ABC, thank you very much.

Good to know both women enjoy journaling while on camera.

This show is so unnatural.  And yet so awesome.

It wouldn’t be a finale without a gratuitous shot of Brad’s abs.

Black feathers.  An interesting choice.

Did they really just show a vulture before the final rose ceremony?  Oh the symbolism.

Oooh, Chantal gets out of the limo first.  The kiss of death.

If Chantal slapped him the first time she met him, what will she do when she gets dumped?

And we’re waiting for the “but....”

I’m not sure who this is harder for... Chantal, or Lucy who is experiencing a Bachelor dumping for the first time.  I assure you, tears were shed by all.

Is anyone actually surprised by this?  Even Chantal had to know deep down.

Please just take her to the limo now and put us all out of our misery.

“Are you all right?”  Seriously Brad, not the time.

How can she hold his hand after this?  I would have asked to walk out by myself.  A Bachelor first.

I know Evan Lysacek won gold while wearing feathers, but they are usually not the best choice.  Unless you are Natalie Portman in Black Swan.  And that did not end well.

Remind me again why you would go on this show?

Anyone else notice the symbolism in dress colors?  White was clearly the wiser choice.

Is Chris Harrison really necessary in all of this?  Of course he is!

Are Emily’s teeth whiter than they were last night?  I do believe so.

As Koz points out, that ring could totally be sold for Little Ricky’s college tuition.

Oooh, flashback time!  As if we all forgot.

I must now point out... Lucy called Emily as the winner after the first episode.  Well played, Lucy, well played.


AFTER THE FINAL ROSE

Chris is really rocking the longer hair.

Anyone else think Chantal should have worn the red dress instead of the black for the final rose ceremony?

I love the crowd reactions.  Do they have to ask them to nod their heads in approval/disapproval?

Chris always asks the tough questions.

At least she’s putting Brad on the spot.

This show is so awkward.

How is Brad surprised that Chantal is crying?  She obviously didn’t realize he never loved her.

If that’s difficult for her to hear?  Seriously, Brad?!

So Chantal has a boyfriend.  Why exactly is she crying over Brad?  And how does Boyfriend feel about this?

In case you didn’t know... that day in South Africa was beautiful and special for everyone involved.  Not just Brad and Emily.  ABC is a very emotional network.

A breakup for Brad and Emily?!?!?!?!  NO WAY!  (the crowd gasp was epic, by the way)

What the hell is going on right now?

Apparently America wants this for Brad and Emily.  Funny, as part of America I never got that memo.

Seriously, what is going on?!

Are they going to breakup?  Because that would be kind of awesome.

The non-bleach blonde is a WAY better look.

Again, what is going on?

This is beyond weird.

Why is Emily as the Voice of Reason a problem?  This show is unnatural.

At least Emily is admitting everything we’ve always known.

Ah, the obligatory Brad-with-another-women-in-the-fantasy-suite question.  We’ve been waiting for you....

Am I the only person applauding Emily for looking at the situation through a realistic lens?!

Brad has a temper.  Is this a Jake Pavelka-sized temper?  If so, then there is another Bachelor special in the making.

This show is so unnatural!  Yay for Emily for realizing this.

Jason: “we’re here to help”.  I feel so comforted.

Is everyone forgetting that Jason actually DID NOT choose Molly?!  Their marriage should only count as a half of a Bachelor success story.

Perhaps ABC should consider a Bachelor therapy session for every After the Final Rose show.

Have I mentioned how unnatural this show is?

Another look-back?  ABC really needed to fill air time, didn’t they...

The double box is priceless.

Damn, it really is a beautiful ring.

Thank you, Chris Harrison for taking it upon yourself to speak for all of America.  Again.  We truly appreciate it.

I give Brad and Emily one month.  Tops.

* * *
Thank you once again, MR.
And there you have it. Love. True love. Until next season.

2 comments :

  1. CANNOT.STOP.LAUGHING. Such a thought-provoking season it was. I think I would have fit right in at your party :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, come join next time! ;)

    ReplyDelete

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