Sunday, July 23, 2017

It's All Right to Cry

A year ago I made the off-the-cuff decision to move from New York City to Minnesota after 18 years on the east coast.

Since it was done with such haste and without any real distinct catalyst, it has been a wonky transition. I assumed I would be settled into my "new life" by the end of the year, only a couple of months after the actual move. Well, that didn't happen. I'm still trying to figure out what's going on and what I'm doing here after such a laser focus purpose and identity in NYC. And I cry. But wait! I'm not being all doom and gloom. I'm crying for many reasons and sometimes they are tears of relief and sometimes they are quite happy tears and sometimes yes, those tears are sad.

I'm crying because I love being so near and connected to my family; I'm crying because I feel so far away from my NYC theatre community of misfit toys. I'm crying because someone I trusted with all of my heart & soul disappointed me; I'm crying because other people surprised me with their endless kindness and open arms. I'm crying because I miss my dear old friends; I'm crying because I'm scared of developing new relationships. I'm crying because I have the most beautiful, dream-like living space; I'm crying because I miss the adventures I used to have in my haphazard and quirky prewar apartment. I'm crying for the loss of sea salt air and bruising ocean waves; I'm crying for the beauty of 10,000+ lakes at the ready. I'm crying for the lack of a decent bagel and pizza by the slice; I'm crying for the amazing craft beer scene and tater tots on every menu. I'm crying for always being too busy; I'm crying for wasting free time. I'm crying because I feel what defined me is gone; I'm crying because I'm grasping to define my new self. I'm crying because I'm no longer in the center of the everything; I'm crying because I worry I like my solitude too much. I'm crying because of lost promise; I'm crying because I'm worried about pursuing the right new opportunities. I'm crying because I had no idea what I was doing; I'm crying because I still have no idea what I am doing.

But, as Free to Be You & Me taught us: It's All Right to Cry.
It's All Right to Cry - Rosey Grier

So I'll focus on letting the tears flow, then wiping them away after the deluge and taking one step and then another down this road of life that I'm lucky to still be upon. Here's to another year of big decisions, embracing change, and new roads that are sure to be filled with a lot of likes of Lucy.

No comments :

Post a Comment