Sunday, August 17, 2014

Terrifying Times Square

As if Times Square wasn't annoying enough! Some of our favorite figments have been making the news these days. Elmo, Spider Man, and even Strawberry Shortcake have formed a new gang in the theatre district, laying down their cartoon criminal law with tourists.

To anyone who has ventured into the Times Square area within the last decade, this is all too familiar. Somehow, unofficial costumed characters have descended upon the streets, lurking along Broadway, hoping a child will beg for a handshake or picture and then force the parents to fork over some money in exchange. The characters all wear these small, cheap backpacks, where they keep a change of regular clothes and some essentials. I can tell you for a fact that they all congregate in Bryant Park to de-robe. My eyes will never be the same again. You do NOT want to see what is beneath the fur.

The Smurfs were one of my all-time favorites growing up. A few years ago, "Brainy" stared me down as I tried to return to my temp job after lunch. He just stood there, mouth agape, unmoving, but intensely following me with his black-rimmed eyes as I tried to pass. Not cool, Brainy!

Now don't tell me that isn't terrifying.

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